Quality time with your children

Do you feel guilty for not being able to spend more time with your children? Beatriz Portalatín shares this article with us… What do you think? Balancing family and work life has never been easy and if not tell many parents. Most of them feel guilty for not spending more time with their children than they would like. But work and daily routine chores take on an undeniable role these days. There is no time for almost everything. To play sports, for leisure, to care for our elders and above all, to enjoy the little ones in the house. To enjoy them, and with them. The time spent with the little ones is usually very little. According to what José Luis Guzón, director of the Institute of Family Sciences at the Pontifical University of Salamanca, tells EL MUNDO, the average time dedicated to children is between 10% and 20%. It’s really very little, but it’s totally understandable given all the things we have to do during the week. The feeling of guilt towards children is something very common among parents. However, it is a normal feeling that should not condition them or affect their normal life. You just need to organize yourself and distribute your time better. And yes, power, it is possible, even if it seems impossible. First of all, it is very important not to demonize work. As advised by Silvia Álava Sordo, psychologist at the Álava Reyes Center in Madrid and author of the book We Want Happy Children, whose benefits go entirely to the Nuevo Futuro association. Children must be taught from a very young age the effort and importance of work. “It is essential that they value that effort because work will always be an equal means to achieve an end. To lead a better life and to realize oneself as a person. And with which, in addition to paying bills, we can achieve a lot of satisfaction. For this reason, it is essential to instill in children the value of work, and the teaching that things have to be earned,” she says. Guilt The feeling of guilt appears because a clash occurs between their ideal model, their beliefs, and what they actually do. Explains Carme Crespo, child and adolescent psychologist and teacher at the Higher Institute of Psychological Studies (ISEP). They are aware of the need that their children have to spend time with them but it is impossible for them due to the maelstrom of the day by day. When that feeling appears, the specialist adds, the attitude towards the children is one of overprotection. Wanting to be involved in every second of coexistence and to be able to cover all the children’s needs, initially the material ones, because that generates positive responses from the children in general. “They feel more responsible for their well-being,” he points out. In Guzón’s opinion, the time spent with children must be intense and of quality. Not so much of quantity. It is not so much about spending more or less time but rather that the meetings are of quality, rich in communication and affection. To do this, he recommends making a space in advance and with forethought in the schedule so that the opportunity for parents to share play, homework, and moments of leisure as privileged companions on their children’s journey is not missed. Tip Other advice that can be of great help and that can be done even every day As, or at least every day from Monday to Friday, is to make a deal with the little ones. This is about reaching an agreement with them so that they do something and, in exchange, the parents then commit to playing with their children for a while, whatever the little ones want. Sometimes it’s hard for little ones to do the things we want. Let them brush their teeth, clean up their room, come to dinner as soon as they are called, etc. And we spend at least 10 minutes or more insisting that they obey. It is, therefore, about changing that negative time for a positive one, explains Álava. If the children fulfill their part of the bargain and obey the first one, the parents later also have to fulfill their part and play with them.